


Loose feathers

by tenebi



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Accidental Confession, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Arguing, Blood, Crying, Drunken Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, Fights, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Promises, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 14:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20508365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenebi/pseuds/tenebi
Summary: Situation: Crowley and Aziraphale have been drinking, Aziraphale yet again mentions Crowley's nature and his “ incapacity to love ”.“I mean it’s not like you have been treating me like I am always here to personally attack you or it’s not like you have been putting every fucking problem of this earth on my back just because I happen to be there, and yeah I know I know that what demons do but I was expecting you to understand after a bit… or when you keep telling every soul that we meet that we aren’t friends” Crowley's voice began to crack, but he didn’t care anymore.His glasses were giving him enough protection to hide the pain in his eyes and the literal pain caused by the liquid that had started to gather up in his eyes.“ but the worst the worst is that even after everything, the 6000 years, the armageddon and the trial.. you still think I don’t-”originally a ficlet/ prompt/ fic on my Tumblr named " angsty prompt#💎🌱🌷





	1. part 1

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, so this was originally something I wrote on Tumblr but thought it could be great to have it here.  
Hope you enjoy the angst.  
please remember that this is fiction.  
Do not self arm.  
please seek help if you consider it. we care about you

Situation: Crowley and Aziraphale have been drinking, Aziraphale yet again mentions Crowley's nature and his “ incapacity to love ”.

“Why do you look so offended, my dear?” Asked Aziraphale breaking the silence.

“Offended, offended? Yeah, I guess you can call it that.” Snaped Crowley

The confused look on Aziraphale's face was the final push down the slide.

“I mean it’s not like you have been treating me like I am always here to personally attack you or it’s not like you have been putting every fucking problem of this earth on my back just because I happen to be there, and yeah I know I know that what demons do but I was expecting you to understand after a bit… or when you keep telling every soul that we meet that we aren’t friends” Crowley's voice began to crack, but he didn’t care anymore.

His glasses were giving him enough protection to hide the pain in his eyes and the literal pain caused by the liquid that had started to gather up in his eyes.

“ but the worst the worst is that even after everything, the 6000 years, the armageddon and the trial.. you still think I don’t-”

his eyes burned and he had to close them, make the red liquid run out of his eyes onto his cheeks.

“ that I don’t care, that I don’t cherish you, that I don’t love you ” he shouted, the blood had reached his jaw and dripped on the floor.

Aziraphale look mortified, he couldn’t know if it was because of the blood or his words.

“ I never meant to fall, I never meant to be a demon ” Crowley rubbed off the blood off his face and stand straight.

he started to walk to the door, as he was about to pass it, he stopped and hoped

But nothing happened, the demon disappeared in a sob.

Aziraphale had forgotten to breathe.

Tears were running down his face, he couldn’t think. This was too much. He remembered every interaction he had with Crowley.

The demon had always been there for him. The angel couldn’t believe his eyes, Crowley had taking out his heart so many times and every time Aziraphale had stepped on it like it was nothing. He had pushed him away so many times, that had been the final one….


	2. part 2

Crowley was now in his flat.

He feels. on his knees, breaking down, sobbing.

His eyes burning, he couldn’t see anything because of his tears. Demons aren’t meant to cry. They shouldn’t ever cry… But if by a miracle, one does, water isn’t what comes up. It’s blood and it’s painful, it burns, almost like holy water. Or at least this is what demon imagine holy water feels like.

In a scream of pain, his wings pop onto our plain, he fell on his hands. Curling down. His wings wrapping themselves over him.

Getting your heart broken hurts.

The demon stayed like that for what felt like an eternity (but was more in the line of 30 minutes). Tears had stopped, his glasses had fallen off, his face was covered in blood if anyone had walked on him, they would think he had killed someone.

He got up, wobbly, drained. He dragged himself across his flat. He couldn’t do anything now, or so he thought.

As he walked by, he came across a mirror.

He saw everything, how horrible he looked. The blood everywhere, his burnt wings, his eyes … oh, his eyes.

Now

Now he looked like an actual demon, a demon that will make you regret the day you were born.

He felt his eyes burning again

In a bloody scream of pain, he punches the mirror multiple times. It shattered into billions of pieces. His hands were bloody, not sure if it was from.his tears or the cuts. Anyways he didn’t care, there was so much pain, who cared where it came from. He sat down, looking at his wings, he felt like he was drowning. You know there’s a certain euphoria at comes when you are grasping for air. Where nothing matters and nobody cares about anything. Where any smaller pain doesn’t have any effect … Crowley was in that state,

Each time, he thought of him, his angel…. The angel never was his, Crowley would pull a feather from his wings.

There was a small amount of jet black feather all around him.

—‐‐————————‐

Aziraphale hadn’t moved an inch. He had messed up real bad. What should he do next? Wait. Crowley came back after their arguments but that was before. He thought that Crowley would never come back on his own. 

That’s when Aziraphale was hinted by two revelations. The feeling he felt, could be described as being hit by a Bentley going 90 mph in central London. 

Number one, Crowley has always been the one to make the first step. To reach out, to save him, to propose lunches. Aziraphale never really had to step out of his comfort zone … the only time was when he asked for the holy water. Now he has to make the first step. 

Number 2 When Crowley left, he was crying. His tears were … blood. Demon tears, he had heard of them. Never actually believed it was true, but there it was. It is said that it’s because demon literally cannot cry but their body can so if they cry the body will link itself to the circulatory system. He wasn’t quite sure, he only had heard some angel gossip about it. But when he left he was sobbing, he had managed to hurt him so much. Aziraphale got scared of what he might do. He got scared that he had pushed him away. 

He wanted to explain everything

he wanted to talk to him 

he wanted to see him

Aziraphale got out his seat and disappeared.

__________________________

Aziraphale was in front of the door of Crowley’s flat.

He hesitated to knock, but he refused.

Crowley would never answer to him now.

He opened the door.

What he saw, broke him … made realize the depth of the damage he had caused.

He saw him on the floor, shards of mirrors everywhere, a circle of loose feathers all around Crowley. He was facing the demons back. Chills crawled through the angles spine. His heart heavy, feeling a need to reach out to him. 

He called him, “Crowley…?”

The demon flinched and to the angel’s horror, he ripped another feather. 

“NO” he cried out

He ripped another one

“Crowley, please”

Another one

“Crowley, please stop” 

another one 

The angel had walked cautiously, to Crowley.

“Please look at me”

Another one

Aziraphale walks around to face Crowley, his eyes avoiding him.

His expression blank. Aziraphale felt a sting in his chest.

Right in front of Aziraphale, he took another feather. But he was stopped by the angel who grabbed his wrist. The angel had to kneel, to be at the same height as his love.

“I beg you, my dear, stop, I can’t stand—” he tried to explain.

“If you can’t stand me, why don’t you just leave?” the demon hissed.

He looked Aziraphale in the eyes

“No, I would never,” responded Aziraphale quickly before stopping. He looks at Crowley and let go of his hands.

On the account of being released, Crowley’s body had curled up, knees close to his chest. Looking away from Aziraphale. Crowley’s eyes looked glossy.

“If you hate me, this much, why are you still here? Hell doesn’t want me anymore, don’t worry I won’t do demonic work and—I won’t do anything big, maybe temptation for another piece of cake,” he remembered the last time, he saw the angel eat one of those … good times…

His eyes became shinier. He closed them.

The angel unfolded his wings and wrapped himself and Crowley into this intimate cocoon.

“Crowley, I am so deeply sorry. I have been horrible to you. Even if you never did anything to me, even if you have done all those things for me.” He took a deep breath “even when I knew how I felt for you, kept treating you like an enemy. Because I was scared that it would change my faith, that it would attract the rage of heavens on me… I was a coward. I am sorry, so sorry.”

He leaned forward and placed his forehead on his. “I know you can’t forgive instantly that things won’t go back to how they were… I know but please, Crowley…. Take me back, tell me I am not too late. I love you … please don’t cast me away.”

He pulled back, waiting for an answer, the demon opened his eyes. A small wave of tears fell down his cheeks.

“How can I know you won’t … be the one to cast me away?” He asked tensing up. He had dared to hope.

Aziraphale took both Crowley’s hands, bowed and placed his forehead on them.

“I swear to you, I won’t swear to anyone else, I will stand by your side, I won’t cast you away, I’ll face heaven and hell to keep you safe” he took a deep breath, shaking “I love you, Crowley, I was a fool, please forgive me, no matter how much time it might take” Aziraphale lost control of his face. he left out a faint sob

He looked up and meet Crowley’s eyes

He was shaking, trying to muster up a response, as his eyes burned.

“.. O-okay,” he mumbled. He looked up to meet Aziraphale’s eyes.

This was the test, Aziraphale knew it. The angel leaned in, his lips meeting Crowley’s. It was a very soft kiss as if he was afraid of breaking him. Then Crowley curled his hands around Aziraphale’s neck. Aziraphale wrapped his arms around his beloved, pulling him closer. The kiss got more passionate, more desperate as if they were afraid that the other would disappear the second it would end.

Time had stopped for them.

They parted as if they needed air.

“I love you, Aziraphale. Please don’t leave me”

“I love you, Crowley. I will never”

**Author's Note:**

> So I hoped you enjoyed the pain. muahahaha jk please take care of yourself.  
I enjoy criticism and all so go head if you feel like it.  
( or just a "it was good" makes my day,commens in generalare appreciated)  
.....  
you can leave now, I just want to mention something to those who use to read the Aventure of lucky and the red ranger. 
> 
> for the five in the back that haven't given up yet, no I have not given up on this story, I just made the mistake to put the story in one of the most inconvenient things to write so I am procrastinating it. Sorry ... also I work the entire summer and College started again, So sorry but it's gonna take awhile. So sorry and thanks for your patience.


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